On My Mind

Our lives have taken a crazy but wonderful turn in the last 5 weeks. We were beyond blessed to receive a call about a little boy in Alabama that was in need of a forever family. God orchestrated every detail and we brought our newborn son, who was born on February 13, home on February 24. To read the whole story and follow our adoption journey please check out our blog at www.atwoodadoptionjourney.blogspot.com

Since he has been home our days have been filled with joy, laughter, peace, and grateful hearts. We are a bit sleep deprived but we couldn’t be happier. However, in the midst of the joy and hope this little guy brings to our lives I am left with memories of a sweet little girl that I know is beaming with pride as she looks down at her baby brother.

I have said it before, but I want to give God the glory for my children’s lives. If God had not taken Abigail home to be with him we would not have welcomed our beautiful baby boy, Benjamin David, into his forever family. We always knew we would adopt. In fact, when we found out that we were pregnant with Abigail we were already discussing the details of adoption for our family. When the Father took Abigail home I was devastated, sad, angry, and scared. Over the past year and 3 months that she has been in God’s arms I have learned so much. He has healed a deep wound and has proven over and over again that He really is in control and that He really does desire the best for his children even when we can’t understand.

God knew that while it would cause pain and confusion to take Abigail home that it would ultimately cause joy and a new life. He risked being misunderstood to bring about his ultimate plan. My little girl is safe in the arms of our Almighty Father who is rejoicing over her so that my little boy can be safe in my arms as the two of them look down with love.

I still miss her. I will always miss her. I still think of her often. The wind chimes that we have on our balcony outside of our bedroom in her honor often lull Ben to sleep at night. I can’t help but picture her singing sweet lullabies to her baby brother, rejoicing that what God did in her life made the way for Him to work in Ben’s life.

I was filling out Ben’s baby book last night and stopped at the family tree page. It’s already a little tricky seeing as how he is adopted but we are filling in our family history and then including what we know of his birth families’ information. I was speeding through the family tree until I got to the empty lines where I was to write his siblings names. I looked at Dave and said, “Do I write her name down?” My heart broke. She is his sister. She is not only his sister, she’s the reason he is here. God used her to bring about his best for us and for Ben. She is a catalyst in his life. How could I not include her?

I know it will be hard to explain to a curious child one day why there is a name listed as his sister when he has never met her but I figure that we already have some tough conversations coming our way so I might as well add one more to the list.

I picked up my pen and wrote slowly, “Abigail” Her name is so beautiful to me. I can still see the image God revealed to me of her beautiful face. I can picture her dancing to praises and singing to the Lord. I can see her beaming with joy. It warms my heart and breaks it at the same time.

When I look into the beautiful brown eyes of my precious son I think of her, I miss her. I wonder what it would be like to have her in my arms too.  I can’t wait to tell Ben about how his big sister helped bring him home. Thank you baby girl. Through you, God made the way to bring your brother home. You helped me experience the truth of the following Scriptures first hand and I will always love you, always remember you, and always cherish you Abigail. Mommy loves you little girl.

Romans 8:28, “And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose.”

Isaiah 61:1-3, “The Spirit of the Sovereign Lord is on me, because the Lord has anointed me to proclaim good news to the poor. He has sent me to bind up the brokenhearted, to proclaim freedom for the captives and release from darkness for the prisoners, to proclaim the year of the Lord’s favor and the day of vengeance of our God, to comfort all who mourn and provide for those who grieve in Zion— to bestow on them a crown of beauty instead of ashes, the oil of joy instead of mourning, and a garment of praise instead of a spirit of despair. They will be called oaks of righteousness, a planting of the Lord for the display of his splendor.”

Psalm 126:5, “Those who sow with tears will reap with songs of joy.”